There are several other reasons why mums can be over-protective; some may be born out of jealousy. Children’s struggle for independence often results in several clashes with their parents, which is why many see their parents mean. Since mothers understand the results of many actions that kids take, they want to prevent such mistakes from protecting their children. On the other hand, kids do believe they are right in their eyes and can handle most situations alone.
So why is my mum so mean?
Your mum might be mean out of jealousy and envy or for positive reasons such as protecting you from impending danger.
Mums’ Relationship With Their Children
Most children will think their parents or guardians are mean, especially in their adolescent years, but this is due to the struggle of such children with independence. If the parents become mean to keep the child safe for positive reasons, the child wants to bristle against the rules and consequences of their actions.
On the negative side, some parents may become mean when they have developmental disorders or struggle with their formative years. Sometimes parents may be going through emotional, financial, or physical stress that can make them irrational.
Response to different internal or external stimuli can bring about frictions within the parent-children relationship, thus making interactions more complex. Kids become frustrated and angry when they can’t cope with their parents’ impositions. These feelings of frustration are understandable and valid in most cases, and children can find it helpful by sitting down with their parents when things are calm.
Conversations between children and mothers don’t happen when there are solid arguments or in the middle of a conflict.
Understanding That The Issues With Parents Are Common And Normal- Advice For The Children
Whether you are a teenager or a grown adult, you must realize that the parent-child relationship can be complex. These complex relationships can become problematic. It also points to the fact that constant fights between parents and children are nothing new. You should know that your parents had the same issues with their parents when they are your age.
It would be best to keep in mind that your parents are not perfect, and they will make several mistakes while training you. If your mum snags at you or nags you into fulfilling an obligation or lacks interest in something significant to you, you should not feel disappointed or angry.
People can be rude and dismissive when they get through difficult times, and that is why you should remember that your parents are human. Most individuals think that talking to a therapist about their relationship with mum can help provide clarity and support. This online therapy may fit perfectly into your situation to help you achieve healthier communication and relationship with your mom.
Dealing With An Angry Mum
If you want to improve your relationship with your mom, talk to them when the emotions are not negatively charged. Trying to pass a message across to them in the middle of a fight will limit your chances of achieving any success.
Learn to talk with your mum patiently, and you may begin the conversation by reminding them you argue with them a lot, but you want to improve the relationship. As you describe how you feel, you should rather use the “I” statement instead of “You” more often. Let her know you want to improve the relationship.
Instead of telling your mom that she yells at you at every slightest opportunity, you should rather say, “I feel like I can’t do anything right in your eyes.” Let her know you want to have a better relationship with her, but you don’t understand how to go about it. Her opinion at this point will help you douse the tension. Try as much as possible to listen to your parents’ position too.
Other Steps To Take To Improve Relationship With Your Mom
There are several ways you can improve your relationship with your mom, and it starts with you. ;
1. Evaluate Your Behavior and Expectations
Sometimes, the fault may not come from your mom but your unrealistic expectations. While your parents, your mom, in particular, may seem angry, you must evaluate whether you play a part in the development of such anger. Think about the number of times you disrespect her and do things that are against her values.
You have a right to autonomy, but you should be realistic about expecting approval if you live or take actions contrary to your parents’ values.
2. Set the Boundaries
There are no two people who will agree on everything, and sometimes, more significant issues may prevent a relationship between mom and child from growing healthy. To protect your sanity, you have to set boundaries with your parents, especially your mom sometimes.
If, for instance, you still stay in their house when you are old enough to move out, you should work on having your living space where you can be more independent. Sometimes, the sight of you around the house may trigger inevitable frictions between you and your mom.
3. Your Mom May Be Going Through a Difficult Time
Sometimes the meanness of your mom may be a scratch on the surface of a bigger problem underneath. The persistent mood swings that drive anger may generate from stressful situations such as financial losses, unemployment, personal loss, or underlying mental conditions like anxiety and depression.
If you are aware of stress triggers in your mom’s life, the best you can do to help the situation is show her that you care. You should help with encouraging words and help her handle specific tasks around the home. It would be best if you listened to how they feel because parents also need help and support at some points in time.
Supporting your mom in a difficult period will eventually strengthen your relationship with her in the long run. You Should also keep in mind that you are not responsible for your mom’s mental health and wellbeing.
If your mom’s response to hardships turns into violent or any other abusive behavior, you will have to seek safety and help immediately.
4. How Safe are You?
In most cases, an angry mom is not a threat or danger to a child, but if you feel unsafe around your mom, that could be a more significant issue you must deal with immediately. Does your mom become verbally or physically abusive when angry? Have you ever been subjected to any mistreatment, neglect, or psychological manipulation? If the answer to any of the above questions is Yes, you will need to seek outside help.
No matter how angry your parents might become, you should never endure abuse or feel unsafe in their home. Your mom and dad are responsible for taking care of you and providing you with a safe house until you become a legal adult who can handle things independently.
Some resources can be of help if your mom has become psychologically and physically abusive towards you.
Getting Help When Your Mom Becomes Mean
If you are looking for help setting boundaries with your parent, you may want to consider working with a mental health expert. You may want to subscribe to a counseling session with your mom if she wants to go with you.
Seeking help is not a symptom of weakness; it is a sign of strength and will to improve your relationship with your mom. If you want to request your mom to attend a counseling session with you, you should avoid asking it aggressively. Let your mom realize that you are not seeking counseling because they have done anything wrong, but you want your relationship to improve.
When talking about getting counseling, focus more on how the session will help you and your parents grow your relationship.
Fortunately, getting professional help with a mean mom is not difficult these days as you can do it virtually online or at the office of a psychologist. Researches have show that effective therapy through counselling can rapidly improve relationships between mothers and children. It is a system that helps you find a stronger path forward.
Restoring the relationship with a mean mom could be easy or difficult depending on the triggers of the meanness. If you are the trigger of the mean nature of your mom, then you will have to work on yourself first to reduce or end such triggers. The issue becomes more difficult to handle if your mom is suffering from underlying conditions triggering the meanness. Whatever the case is, you should endeavor to improve the relationship with your mom in your own way, even if it means you need to reduce the frequency of contact with her. Oftentimes, your mom’s meanness may dissipate when you start taking actions that are in tune with her values.
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